It is that time of year again. Well, when I say again, I mean again for us as people, not for CTRL+D as a podcast. But before I tangle myself into the logical equivalent of a ball of headphone cables, let me just plow right ahead. E3 2018 came and went over this last week, so being the gaming aficionados that we are, we decided to do a recap of the event, and share with you our highlights, both positive and negative alike. So without further ado, here’s our roundup of this year’s Electronic Entertainment Expo.
RIP Hank the AI – 2018-2018 – “You were a poorly executed brilliant idea.”
Liftoff of HMS Bad Taste.
A fact relating to a myth, but nevertheless, a fact.
[00:02:06] – [Day 1: Electronic Arts]
We said we’d only give our opinions, which in the conversation between us meant we won’t be listing all the games that were announced… So understandably, we went ahead and listed every single game shown at the EA presentation. Luckily after the end of this segment, we had a quick chat and remedied that fault in our ways. All that follow, will have more overall highlights. Here are the announcements that were made. Here are the notable EA announcements:
- FIFA 19 – Which will see the return of the Champions League mode, alongside a World Cup mode for Fifa 18, which was already pushed out as a free update.
- Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order – Which was masterfully presented by Todd Howard’s twin brother, Vince Zampella.
- Madden 19… I think!? – I was too entranced by the gloriously cringy, and equally honest exchange between Pittsburgh Steelers Wide Receiver Juju Smith-Schuster, and Madden 18 something something champion something, Shay “Young Kiv” Kivlen, regarding the reason the two young men were on stage… Please, enjoy:
- Command And Conquer: Rivals – NO!
- Anthem – Which supposedly won’t be multiplayer, but will have a so called “shared world”… and community events… and a central player hub… and obscure lore that barely holds itself together… and stupid weapon names that even the aforementioned lore can’t explain… So there goes our interest in most of what Bioware is doing right now. The last strand of hope for something remotely decent coming our way from Edmonton, now remains Dragon Age 4. Destiny: Remastered will come out on February 22nd, 2019. Remember this date, as it will become important later in this episode.
[00:18:25] – [Day 2: Microsoft / Xbox]
We were expecting Microsoft to wing it, hastily show a few uninteresting things, and then recede back into the shadows. We were pleasantly surprised. Their showed 50 whole games, and announced some important news. Here’s a list of everything that caught our eye:
- Halo: Infinite – Which may just be taking place on the same halo ring, on which Master Chief crashed during the prologue of 2001’s Halo: Combat Evolved.
- Fallout 76 – Which we will talk about in more detail, when we cover Bethesda’s roller-coaster of an E3 show.
- Metro: Exodus – Which in its efforts to escape the looming shadow of Rockstar’s large open-world game Red Dead Redemption 2, stuck its release date dead on the same day as Bioware’s large open-world game Anthem and Sony Interactive Entertainment’s large open-world game Days Gone… Mark the date!
- Acquisition of 5 new studios – Which clearly shows Microsoft’s commitment to closing the popularity gap between the Xbox One and PS4. The list includes brand new first-party studio The Initiative, State of Decay’s Undead Labs, Forza and Fable: Legends’ Playground Games, Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice’s Ninja Theory, and We Happy Few’s Compulsion Games.
- Cuphead: The Delicious Last Course DLC – Which will undoubtedly prompt some despicable excuse for a human being to use the words “git gud” when answering a thread asking for help on the steam forums.
- Battletoads – Which will be a video game.
- Dying Light 2 – Which boasts none other than RPG-heavyweight, and personal idol of ours, Chris Avellone, as one of its head writers. Post-apocalyptic setting, zombies, parkour and plenty of asshole people to kill… It’s right up our zombie-infested alley.
- *inceptionbwaaaaaaaaaaa* C Y B E R P U N K 2 0 7 7 – Which made a grandiose entrance right at the end of Microsoft’s presentation.
[00:33:40] – [Day 2: Bethesda]
The presentation opened with Andrew W Fucking K. I think there were some games too:
- Rage 2 – Which will borrow from the idea pools for Just Cause and Mad Max.
- Elder Scrolls Legends and Elder Scrolls Online updates – Which we don’t give a rat’s ass for.
- Doom: Eternal – Which brings hell on Earth, which in and of itself is a pretty apt summary for the present day global state of affairs. Also gave rise to a dank meme, and possibly Twitch’s next absurdly overused emote.
- Wolfenstein: Youngblood – Which FUCK NAZIS!
- Skyrim: Very Special Edition – Which is a joke gone awry. An actual Alexa version of Skyrim.
- Fallout 76 – Which was our most anticipated game for this year’s E3, yet later turned into the least anticipated title of the entire Bethesda presentation. Y’know… due to our long-running history with the Fallout franchise and its single player RPG essence.
- Fallout shelter ports for Switch and PS4 – Which is understandable, given that Shelter has already surpassed 120 million players on mobile and PC.
- The Elder Scrolls: Blades – Which is a one-up of Fallout Shelter, in that it’s a full 3D title and has a city building mechanic, alongside an endless dungeon and a PvP arena.
- Starfield – Which is still some years away.
- Elder Scrolls 6 – Which is many more years away.
[00:51:02] – [Day 3: PC Gamer]
The hosts were cool and funny, especially the cute innuendo girl, whilst the games were mostly trashy. I refuse to write out all the bloody titles though, so you’ll just have to listen. 😀
[01:01:54] – [Day 3: Sony]
The best conference of E3 2018. Not in terms of quantity, but rather in terms of quality of presentation. A handful of titles. Most- glowing heavy hitters.
- The Last of Us 2 – Which is, unquestionably, the best game of this entire E3. There are games with far more brutality, violence and gore, but there all of these are sprinkled gratuitously. TLOU2 brings a whole new level of believable and very emotionally-loaded violence. It unveils the story of Ellie and a group of her young companions, as they try to survive in the harsh wilderness, whilst also coming of age, and putting their childhood behind.
- Days Gone – Which is the third player caught in the February 22nd trap. Regardless of the scheduling mishaps, however, the game looks very promising, and will also be on my watch list, in the very likely event that I do not buy a PS4. Not only because of the money I’ll have to drop, but also due to the close proximity with the console’s life-cycle end.
- Ghost of Tsushima – Which looks fan-fucking-tastic, and has a very promising story, set some time during the Mongol Invasions of Japan of the late 13th century.
- Resident Evil 2 – Which I don’t care about, but which Pedro likes a lot, so I couldn’t omit.
- Spiderman – Which something something all obscure Marvel comic book villains ever written something.
- Death Stranding – Which can also go fuck itself. Its creators have stayed cryptic far too long for us to give a shit any more. A little bit of clarification would have been nice, but instead we got another confusing cut scene trailer interspersed with a little bit of gameplay, deprived of any user interface.
[01:17:00] – [Day 3: Square Enix]
Total cop out. Not worth mentioning.
[01:17:30] – [Day 3: Ubisoft]
This conference started with Ubisoft’s patented lethal dose of cringe, brought forth by a dance troupe led by a man in an obnoxious panda costume, which performed a weird dance that lasted way too long. Still, there was some good stuff afterwards:
- Beyond Good and Evil 2 – Which we understand a lot of people are excited for, due to its beloved 2003 predecessor. Not sure about the Hit Record business though.
- The Divison 2 – Which… whatever.
- Skull and Bones – Which is a beautiful looking sailing ship game, SET IN THE INDIAN OCEAN, PEDRO!
- Transference – Which looked really weird, and which Frodo Baggins presented.
- For Honor – Which received 4 characters as part of a new Chinese faction. Also free for a week, as of the 12th.
- Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey – Which will bank heavily on people remembering the 300 movie franchise fondly. 😀
[01:33:30] – [Day I Can’t Remember Which: Devolver Digital]
For a second year in a row, Devolver pulled a Devolver on E3, and took 56928 stabs at the games industry and all people who buy games. Not much more to note, except for a hectic gore-fest parkour side-scroller shooter, fortunately named My Friend Pedro. Equally crazy is Metalwolf Chaos, which puts you in the shoes of a recently deposed US President, who has to restore justice through the means of a big ass fucking mech. A mech which I guess they just had on standby somewhere in broom closet in the White House.
[01:34:33] – [Day 4: Nintendo]
I will be skipping all the titles mentioned in the episode, as there’s a bazillion of them. Besides, the Super Smash Bros presentation nearly sucked the soul out of me.